Except when they're used to treat sick people and improve their quality of life!
Being a slight fitness junkie over the years, most of you would know that it would take the mother-ship of all migraine headaches to make me consume a Panadol. Well, talk about a complete about-face since this has all begun. The sheer amount of drugs I've taken since November 2010 is nothing short of phenomenal! Let me see if I can name a few of them...Keflex, Panadol Soluable, Prodeine Forte, Temazepam, Coloxyl, Staphylex, Ondansetron, Stemzine, Chlorhexidine, Nilstat, Xylocaine, Lignocaine, Ordine, Valium. My spell checker is going ballistic over these names. Are any typed incorrectly? Who cares! I'm becoming a bit of a rebel! I numb my throat and mouth daily so that I do not feel the radiation pain, so, Thank God for these drugs!
Slowly, another Wednesday slides by. Woke at 5:30am and started the long task of eating a tablespoon of rice bubbles which I'm beginning to master in under 10 minutes, then off to my radiotherapy session at 7:30am.
After radioloogy, I meet with my dietician who checks my weight and decides what foods I'm to consume for the weeks ahead. Then it's off to admissions to sign paperwork for chemotherapy treatment and finally, thread my way up to Ward S3W. Groundhog day I think to myself as my bed and I are reintroduced once again.
So, it's needle time. Time to man up! I'm given the valium, a heat blanket to go over the arm, have drunk a litre of water, and all things considered, in a very good frame of mind ready for the needle chill. This will be fine I tell myself.
Up first is nurse Gail. She picks up my left arm, tells me that it'll all be OK, checks it over thoroughly, slaps on the tourniquet and goes in for the kill.. Moments later Gail says "Oops, it's in but not drawing back, I'm going to have to try again" My first thought was thank god for the Valium. I'm still anxious, but prepared to move on and get it over with. In she goes again for a second attempt, this time vigorously prodding and pushing the vein and really testing the effectiveness of the Valium I'd so eagerly consumed. "Attempt number 2 has failed as well, I'm sorry." I thought it was blithering obvious actually and I'm ashamed to type this, but the words "no shit sherlock" leapt into my mind. Thankfully that thought went no further.
Another nurse shows up, and the customary jibes between the two are exchanged before ensuring me that she has inserted thousands of catheters. "In humans?" I ask. She laughs loudly. I laughed nervously. "It'll all be ok" she informs me. One, two, three attempts later, she finally declares that I'm not normal (I could've told her that!) and that we need to page a doctor to do it. I softly mumble the words "Can I have another valium please?" Gail, feeling that I not coping well, agrees with my request and down the hatch they go, off to play with the first tablet I had an hour ago.
In comes the doctor for attempt #6. He's wearing a stethoscope. This guy has got to be good, right? I get the feeling that it's all about to be completed with a minimum of fuss. He dons a space age UV headlight to show the precise location of my veins, applies a special numbing cream to subdue the needle prick, puts my arm in this strange vice like clamp and a few painless seconds later, I hear "It's in". I don't think Obama himself celebrated winning the presidency as much as I did at that moment.. Smiles are all around and off the doctor departs.
Gail, nurse #1, comes back into the room, takes one look at the catheter in my arm and says "Sorry to tell you this, but that catheter is in the wrong place. Yours need to be located between your wrist and elbow, not on top of your hand" Now, I could swear here in the blog but (a) it just wouldn't have the same impact as what was said at that moment and (b) there are some younger readers of this blog and I don't wish to set a band example (rather just give them needle nightmares for the years ahead to come)
The doctor comes back, blaming the nurse saying that she should have told him what type of drugs they were injecting into me. Off to the other arm again. It's like I'm at the tennis and my arms are the players! This time he fails miserably, apologies profusely and runs away with his tail between his legs.
Time out is called and I'm told to have a 30 minute break. My bed looks like someone's been using a watering can filled with red cordial.
Finally, a surgical nurse who has just come out from operating theatre is summoned to do the catheter, complete with surgical gown, hat, shoes, mask....the whole nine yards. After a couple of funny exchanges, hers were funny, mine were exchanges, success was finally reached !!! I think I need another Valium from having just typed all this !!
8 Attempts to get a Catheter needle into my arm!!!!
** Cheryl ...I hope you had fun reading this post! **
Just as an aside - did you know that 2 February is actually ground hog day?! You probably did. Just thought it was funny that you said "ground hog day" in reference to the same old, same old, when in actual fact over in the USA the little ground hog was telling them whether spring would arrive early or late this year. So it really was ground hog day! Anywho ...... I digress.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you've got a whole heap of humour and smiles. Keep on fighting ... and keep on swallowing those drugs ...